I Deserve Better

I know I may sound crazy with the things I post but hear me out on this, I feel like hell. It's not a fun thing I'm going thru right now. No one deserves this,not even my worst enemy. I have no one to physically talk to about my problems, at least that has the time to sit and talk. This is my outlet and of course Twitter. I consider the people I talk to there and here more family than those I'm related to. I'm surprised They haven't shipped my to a psych ward somewhere. I wonder about myself sometimes, is what I feel normal reaction or insane? All I know is I don't need stress from the people who freak me out the most, I know I shouldn't react but I do. It's my fight or flight instinct. I'm used to hiding it. I'm tired of it tho. If I want a life, I'm gonna fight. Even if it means I'm alone.

Emotional Dumping Ground

Ok, this is mainly to vent. I am so sick of being my mom's dumping ground, she needs to talk to someone else. It makes me feel helpless,and when I feel helpless, I feel useless. I just wish I could have happier onversations with her for a change or at least help her cope with a problem I know how to deal with. I'm supposed to be the one needing the help, and not the one dishing advice. At least not at the rate it's going. I talk to professionals from time to time, so does she. I can't take it. If anyone have any advice or comments, they'd be much apperciated.

A Questionaire For You

Ok, I'v had some freaky stuff happen the last few months, in a kinda good way. I wanna know what you think about intuition and other things odd.

1) Do you believe in fate/destiny?

2) Have you ever had too much of a good thing happen?

3) Has and thing too coinidental ever happened, if so  how much?


You know where you can find me if you wanna keep it private.

My Paranormal Life

Ok, so I was told to blog about my expriences in the not so well known. :-D For generations, the women in my family have what my Momo (great grandma), called the gift. Problem is Schitzophrenia and depression run in my family too. I have since I was a late teen, been able to sense things, not very sharply, but I was young so I hadn't honed in on it. I also have seen certain things. Like orbs and glimpses of people outta the corner of my eye.Or so I thought it was a "person".Just recently I have been able to pick up on certain health issues,I guess you could say. I know when there is something bothering people at least 80% of the time. ertain people I don't even have to see in-person to know.I have no idea what my abilites are. I just know and can sense and feel things, women's intuition I suppose. *wink*

My So-Called Love Life

 I've been thinking back about my crushes lately. I ran across one of them on FB. I met him when I was about 7. Weird thing was he was my uncles brother AND he was 21 yeasrs older. I know, I'm a nutjob but at the time he was the shit, pardon.I was down in Florida visiting my aunt, uncle and new baby cousin, at the time. Who, btw is getting married. We went to the beach everyday. Well, my unle's bro would take me swimming and or floating in the deep parts. I actually felt safe for once, in the water. I was never able to swim, still can't. He was a hot cali dude, blonde hair and all. That was my first real life crush on a man. LOL

Facts About Me

   1. I have a genetic birth defect called Spina Bifida

   2. I had been going to school since age 1

   3 I dropped out of High School at age 18

   4. I had hydrocephalus

   5. I was not expected to make it to 1 y/o

   6. I suffer from skin ulcers

Reader Beware:Graphic

Ok, I wanna tell you a little bit more about myself. How I became paralyed as I am. Most was from a birth defect, but there was some major human error in play as well. When I was born they hadn't noticed for some reason, as I was told my back was open. Only a thin layer of skin protected my spine. My mom even had an amnio done, it was normal. Well, basically when they tried to close my back all the way, they left a piece of skin. Now, I was also told people saw me kick, well that was to happen no more. The skin turned into a dermoid cyst. The cyst was tumorous. and grew as fat as a hot dog and about 3 inches long. Well, the hospitals in St. Louis thought I was just spoiled when I was on my back. My mom knew otherwise. She took me to Chicago, to the Children's Hosptial. The only option was to cut it out and with it, some nerves that grew around it. I went from being from the knees down to hip down. It was the doctor's who closed my back up, fault. Later on, I tried to sue, but no luck I waited too long. Such is life,

I Have No Clue

 Hey all, I haven't got much to say. My roomies are the same. :-P I did dye my hair last week. I know woohoo, right.Well I haven't seen my mom in over 2 weeks. She's been saying since friday, she'd be over. Today, will hopefully be the day. I want some homemade food. She sad she made chicken salad, chicken and dumplings, and a mud cake. Better than the shit they have here. I've been good about no soda at all. I may treat myself to one this week. Thanks to Amy and DJ Inferno, I've been watching what I eat. Holla! lol

Took long enough

You know, I hate yelling at people especially those who don't deserve it but, if you work at a business, you represent that business.This damn home almost hasn't got a leg to stand on, in my eyes. It took about 2 or3 days for them to finally do something to about my depression. I have asked several times to talk to someone. I had to raise my voice and be somewhat rude to someone I like. I thought some people here had my back, but perfect strangers treat me with more respect than, they do here. Sadly I'm the only one who can do anything, I have no idea what to do. Unless I threaten to talk to state, which I don't want to do, but will, if need be.We have no Ombusman, which is a home rep for the residents, at least I haven't seen one. I've been here 7 years.Everyone who treats me with dignity and respect gets it back in spades. I do wanna thank those who have done so. :-)

Not so sweet emotions

Well as one or 2 of you may know I had a rough night last night. I had to deal with my roommate's screaming again. I about lost it. I had bad thoughts, if you get what I mean. I truthfully suffer from depression ans I don't think my living sitch helps. Sometimes I have not so nice thoughts about myself and or life. It was one of those things it passed tho. I said either me or her goes. Both my roomies to me are inconsiderate. They don't think about me having to stay in the room 95% of the time. I just need to get my life back somehow. Over and out

You wanna throw down?

My some to be ex-roomie is about to get a surprise.You mess with me, you let a mean bitch out! She had the audacity to call me the cna's pet. This woman is 54 years old! I have more dignity than her. I lost my last bit of respect for her tonight.

Your turn

 I want you all to ask me stuff, you may be curious about. I'm an open book. I'm mainly doing this cos I don't have anything to write today. Ask and you shall receive.

Cryin time again

  I am so sick of one of my roommates, all she does is scream. She kept me and my other roomie up till 3 last night. They spoil her for the most part. By they, I mean the people that work in th facility. I know a few who have heard what I'm talking about. I would love some alone time, but that is few and far between.
     See, for the last 8 and a half months, I've been bed bound. I have a skin ulcer on the top part of my leg. I have been dealing with these for several years. I was a teenager, when they started. I am not proud, of how my life has turned out, but I believe there is a reason for it. I think it's to teach me patience. However, I'm not completely sure.

Thinking back

  I got to thinking about one of my earliest memories. I remember the first time I walked.I was about 2 years of ago.My mom tells me the story, kinda fills in the blanks of what I don't remember. I started out my life in leg braces and a walker.

   I was at physical therapy with my mom. I had my hair in piggy tails cos she liked to do that, lol.I was on one of those walking planks with bars on each side. It was about 4-5 feet in length. My mom tried to coax me into walking towards her, I refused, being a stubborn child. Then a bus driver for the PT place tried. I remember smiling and swinging my hips to walk. I finally made it to the end. My mom to this day still has the picture of my in a blue shirt, and a diaper. lol

  I can't remember the date or the time. What I do remember it was a sunny day. I had made one of my first big accomplishments. I finally walked on my own, without anyone holding me up.

My long friggin day

I had my weekly doc appt this morning. I stayed up till 3 pm so I could take a shower and get some sleep. God knows why, I can't wake up if I only sleep a few hours.I had about 5 and 1/2 hours this morning. I got a good report from the doctor, don't have to go back for 2 weeks this time, yay! Oh, btw I was there for about 2 and 1/2 hours. I fell asleep, again. lol

Hello

  Let me try this again. Hello, my name is Brandy. I was born and pretty much raised in Missouri.  My age is 31, I was born with a type of paraplegia called Spina Bifida. I will only post once a week. My life is not very exciting. That will be explained along the way.