Unpretty?

I am extremely disturbed by all these young girls who are obsessed with their wieght and looks. Understandably no one is completely happy with how they look, but, you need to realizelife NOT a beauty contest is a strength and endurance challenge. There is nothing wrong with wanting beauty in this world, or wanting to feel good, however, a physical or emotional sucess is the most important feat to win or overcome. We all need each other, no weakness in that but you have to realize relying on only ONE thing in your life, you are missing out.

Ain't This Some $h*t!

Well, I am back! Long story short I lost my password. :-P Then my keyboard fouled up! As you all know I've been on bed-rest. I am getting better. The doc says a month and a half 2 months. I say sooner. I honestly can't take this shit. I have tried to stay positive, but I'm at my wits end. I think they forgot I'M paying THEM to take care of me. I dare them to see how long they can take living like I have the past year!I don't know what else to say except, hi. BTW, questions are always welcome.

Unrequited Love

 I'm just posting something that's on my mind. How do people deal with rejection? I mean a person can only take so much, I believe. I just want to find a man who likes my personality and yes, my looks. Cleopatrawasn't that ot really and you know she had one of the greatest love affairs of history. I think I may be a little prettier than she, if I may be so bold. I'm no Marilyn Monroe either but maybe somewhere in between.I know for a fact some of the greatest beauties of all time weren't size 2's either. So, I'm wondering if it's my personality I have to attention span of a 2 year old, I admit but if you get me going ona topic I love, I stick to it. I jokingly poke fun at myself, I never mean it harshly. I just love to joke around and yes I can be serious.I try not to take things lightly for the most part tho, unless the occassion calls for it.Thinking about it, I do want someone I'm physically attracted to, as well as emotionally and mentally, I don't want a sexual relationship without attachment, I can't do that. It's just not me. I think I tend to get attached too easily.I know it's said that that it'll happen when you aren't looking but, how can if you are constantly doing so? I think it's what I want the most is a relationship with a man that is so involved. I don't know how lucky I'll be tho.

Too Much Time

This morning I was awake by 7-7:30, yet I can't get up till 11. Lazy-ass mothers, I don't even take 5 mintues to get up. All I ask is to smoke and to get my shower early. I like it like that. I must be asking to much of these people Well this shit is gonna change once I'm mobile again! They WILL get my shower in by 10 am or I go to the administrator. That's a promise. Why is it every other worker except these 2 can get me up on time? I had to call the front desk the other day cos I had a "problem" cos they woudn't deal with me, I was practically balling. I shouldn't have to beg them for shit!  I tod the director of nursing the other day I would like up around 9 am It's a simple task really it takes longer to get my clothes and shoer thing ready, and that is quick. Either I need more patience or they need to get their asses in gear.

Photograph

I'm so bored today I'm uploading photos Mind you these pix are 2-2 1/2 years old. I'mm deleting a lot of them too, that suck ass. I love taking pix. I had more outdoor ones before I thought I'd run out of room and deleted them My idiot mistake. I have a bunch of sky ones left and cats which I haven't shown, don't wanna bore the hell outta ya That's about it for today, over and out.

My Pix

Just curious as to what photos you like best and if u wanna see more,I feel like I shouldn't post the one's with other people unless I have permission, just seems rude I don't have many goofy ones, maybe 2 The rest are experimental Lemme know what you think

Island Time

Ok, crazy idea I have but at least hear me out. I say we all of us into the paranormal, chip in to buy a BIG-ASS island. Less crime and we'd have our transportation to the mainland, not very far either. I think it's a good idea, of course it is mine :-P Maybe a bit idealistic but nice thought none-the-less.I'm thining somewhere, semi haunted to, so we don't get too bored. Our own little Utopia. I suppose ideaology runs in my family.As, some of you may know I have a ver interesting family history at that, that ties in with all this. However I shall save it for another time. Same CAT time same CAT channel!

Disturbed

 I genuinely think I am losing my mind. I can't take my situation anymore. I don't know if it's just me or what, but I feel like I'm about to have a nervous breakdown. I sleep most of the time, or I'm on my computer like now. I have nothing to really look forward to. I feel like there is no end to this. I want a life and quality of life. Is that too much to ask? I just want to get back to what I used to do, go around town and visit people and places. All I hear anymore is people screaming or whining.I don't want to have anything to complain about, seriously, but right now it seems like all I do. I don't know if I'm feeling sorry for myself either or what.

Love Stinks

Ok, well I was told that by the guy I have feelings for that we're just really close friends. I'mm slightly bummed. I mean, I can handle that, kinda. It's better than nothing but damn, when is it my turn to be happy and find love? I realize it's give and take and not always roses, crap like that. I think for once I just like my feelings reciprocated. I'm not babe of the year but I have a personality! Unless I'm just too much trouble to deal with, I have no clue.

Clueless

Ok, starting to have doubts about my giving my crush a note. I'm half tempted to tell him to just throw the stupid thing away. Why is it everytime i like a guy, I start to freak out like a teenager, outta fear of rejection? I'm not wanting to put him on the spot or lose him as a friend, he means the world to me. I just wish I knew what to do. Any advice is welcome.

Love My Way

Sorry it has been so long since I posted last. I haven't had much to write about, till now. As one of you knows, I recently got in touch again with a high school crushh of mine. I did tell him I had a crush on him in HS, but I realized I still have feelings for him.I sent him a couple things in the mail yesterday for his birthday tomorrow, the 10th. One of the things I sent was a little note. I really can't remember everything I put, but the end was I miss you, XO's Brandy. I hope he doesn't think I'm a fruitcake. He did say to me the other night, he wished I lived closer cos he would visit and that I was his only true friend. I feel sad for him, but it's not pity that fuels me. What better person than a friend to have things evolve with? That's all folks.

I Deserve Better

I know I may sound crazy with the things I post but hear me out on this, I feel like hell. It's not a fun thing I'm going thru right now. No one deserves this,not even my worst enemy. I have no one to physically talk to about my problems, at least that has the time to sit and talk. This is my outlet and of course Twitter. I consider the people I talk to there and here more family than those I'm related to. I'm surprised They haven't shipped my to a psych ward somewhere. I wonder about myself sometimes, is what I feel normal reaction or insane? All I know is I don't need stress from the people who freak me out the most, I know I shouldn't react but I do. It's my fight or flight instinct. I'm used to hiding it. I'm tired of it tho. If I want a life, I'm gonna fight. Even if it means I'm alone.

Emotional Dumping Ground

Ok, this is mainly to vent. I am so sick of being my mom's dumping ground, she needs to talk to someone else. It makes me feel helpless,and when I feel helpless, I feel useless. I just wish I could have happier onversations with her for a change or at least help her cope with a problem I know how to deal with. I'm supposed to be the one needing the help, and not the one dishing advice. At least not at the rate it's going. I talk to professionals from time to time, so does she. I can't take it. If anyone have any advice or comments, they'd be much apperciated.

A Questionaire For You

Ok, I'v had some freaky stuff happen the last few months, in a kinda good way. I wanna know what you think about intuition and other things odd.

1) Do you believe in fate/destiny?

2) Have you ever had too much of a good thing happen?

3) Has and thing too coinidental ever happened, if so  how much?


You know where you can find me if you wanna keep it private.

My Paranormal Life

Ok, so I was told to blog about my expriences in the not so well known. :-D For generations, the women in my family have what my Momo (great grandma), called the gift. Problem is Schitzophrenia and depression run in my family too. I have since I was a late teen, been able to sense things, not very sharply, but I was young so I hadn't honed in on it. I also have seen certain things. Like orbs and glimpses of people outta the corner of my eye.Or so I thought it was a "person".Just recently I have been able to pick up on certain health issues,I guess you could say. I know when there is something bothering people at least 80% of the time. ertain people I don't even have to see in-person to know.I have no idea what my abilites are. I just know and can sense and feel things, women's intuition I suppose. *wink*

My So-Called Love Life

 I've been thinking back about my crushes lately. I ran across one of them on FB. I met him when I was about 7. Weird thing was he was my uncles brother AND he was 21 yeasrs older. I know, I'm a nutjob but at the time he was the shit, pardon.I was down in Florida visiting my aunt, uncle and new baby cousin, at the time. Who, btw is getting married. We went to the beach everyday. Well, my unle's bro would take me swimming and or floating in the deep parts. I actually felt safe for once, in the water. I was never able to swim, still can't. He was a hot cali dude, blonde hair and all. That was my first real life crush on a man. LOL

Facts About Me

   1. I have a genetic birth defect called Spina Bifida

   2. I had been going to school since age 1

   3 I dropped out of High School at age 18

   4. I had hydrocephalus

   5. I was not expected to make it to 1 y/o

   6. I suffer from skin ulcers

Reader Beware:Graphic

Ok, I wanna tell you a little bit more about myself. How I became paralyed as I am. Most was from a birth defect, but there was some major human error in play as well. When I was born they hadn't noticed for some reason, as I was told my back was open. Only a thin layer of skin protected my spine. My mom even had an amnio done, it was normal. Well, basically when they tried to close my back all the way, they left a piece of skin. Now, I was also told people saw me kick, well that was to happen no more. The skin turned into a dermoid cyst. The cyst was tumorous. and grew as fat as a hot dog and about 3 inches long. Well, the hospitals in St. Louis thought I was just spoiled when I was on my back. My mom knew otherwise. She took me to Chicago, to the Children's Hosptial. The only option was to cut it out and with it, some nerves that grew around it. I went from being from the knees down to hip down. It was the doctor's who closed my back up, fault. Later on, I tried to sue, but no luck I waited too long. Such is life,

I Have No Clue

 Hey all, I haven't got much to say. My roomies are the same. :-P I did dye my hair last week. I know woohoo, right.Well I haven't seen my mom in over 2 weeks. She's been saying since friday, she'd be over. Today, will hopefully be the day. I want some homemade food. She sad she made chicken salad, chicken and dumplings, and a mud cake. Better than the shit they have here. I've been good about no soda at all. I may treat myself to one this week. Thanks to Amy and DJ Inferno, I've been watching what I eat. Holla! lol

Took long enough

You know, I hate yelling at people especially those who don't deserve it but, if you work at a business, you represent that business.This damn home almost hasn't got a leg to stand on, in my eyes. It took about 2 or3 days for them to finally do something to about my depression. I have asked several times to talk to someone. I had to raise my voice and be somewhat rude to someone I like. I thought some people here had my back, but perfect strangers treat me with more respect than, they do here. Sadly I'm the only one who can do anything, I have no idea what to do. Unless I threaten to talk to state, which I don't want to do, but will, if need be.We have no Ombusman, which is a home rep for the residents, at least I haven't seen one. I've been here 7 years.Everyone who treats me with dignity and respect gets it back in spades. I do wanna thank those who have done so. :-)

Not so sweet emotions

Well as one or 2 of you may know I had a rough night last night. I had to deal with my roommate's screaming again. I about lost it. I had bad thoughts, if you get what I mean. I truthfully suffer from depression ans I don't think my living sitch helps. Sometimes I have not so nice thoughts about myself and or life. It was one of those things it passed tho. I said either me or her goes. Both my roomies to me are inconsiderate. They don't think about me having to stay in the room 95% of the time. I just need to get my life back somehow. Over and out

You wanna throw down?

My some to be ex-roomie is about to get a surprise.You mess with me, you let a mean bitch out! She had the audacity to call me the cna's pet. This woman is 54 years old! I have more dignity than her. I lost my last bit of respect for her tonight.

Your turn

 I want you all to ask me stuff, you may be curious about. I'm an open book. I'm mainly doing this cos I don't have anything to write today. Ask and you shall receive.

Cryin time again

  I am so sick of one of my roommates, all she does is scream. She kept me and my other roomie up till 3 last night. They spoil her for the most part. By they, I mean the people that work in th facility. I know a few who have heard what I'm talking about. I would love some alone time, but that is few and far between.
     See, for the last 8 and a half months, I've been bed bound. I have a skin ulcer on the top part of my leg. I have been dealing with these for several years. I was a teenager, when they started. I am not proud, of how my life has turned out, but I believe there is a reason for it. I think it's to teach me patience. However, I'm not completely sure.

Thinking back

  I got to thinking about one of my earliest memories. I remember the first time I walked.I was about 2 years of ago.My mom tells me the story, kinda fills in the blanks of what I don't remember. I started out my life in leg braces and a walker.

   I was at physical therapy with my mom. I had my hair in piggy tails cos she liked to do that, lol.I was on one of those walking planks with bars on each side. It was about 4-5 feet in length. My mom tried to coax me into walking towards her, I refused, being a stubborn child. Then a bus driver for the PT place tried. I remember smiling and swinging my hips to walk. I finally made it to the end. My mom to this day still has the picture of my in a blue shirt, and a diaper. lol

  I can't remember the date or the time. What I do remember it was a sunny day. I had made one of my first big accomplishments. I finally walked on my own, without anyone holding me up.

My long friggin day

I had my weekly doc appt this morning. I stayed up till 3 pm so I could take a shower and get some sleep. God knows why, I can't wake up if I only sleep a few hours.I had about 5 and 1/2 hours this morning. I got a good report from the doctor, don't have to go back for 2 weeks this time, yay! Oh, btw I was there for about 2 and 1/2 hours. I fell asleep, again. lol

Hello

  Let me try this again. Hello, my name is Brandy. I was born and pretty much raised in Missouri.  My age is 31, I was born with a type of paraplegia called Spina Bifida. I will only post once a week. My life is not very exciting. That will be explained along the way.